I took our dogs out around 10 pm recently when our Chihuahua started barking her head off. She stared at a spot beyond our fence, near the garage cans. I couldn’t see anything…just shifting black shadows against a black background. And then I saw a dim patch of tan fur. I grabbed the Chihuahua under… Continue reading Hungry Bears Drop By For A Backyard Picnic
My son’s name is Rocco, but Conan the Destroyer would be more apt. The boy has an appetite for destruction, and he’s always hungry. Rocco’s autism is a factor in his destructive behavior. He often uses items in inappropriate ways, like raiding my wallet and using the credit cards in an origami display (the plastic… Continue reading What’s For Dinner? Baked Cell Phone and Steamed Dad
There are lots of things that can hurt a marriage; financial problems, infidelity, differences in religion, differences in parenting, differences of opinion. In our house one of the biggest marital strains is another woman; a woman who comes into our home every night at ten o’clock. Her name is Nancy Grace. Nancy Grace has a… Continue reading Nancy Grace. Ghoul. Monster. Homewrecker.
I play a goofy game with my kids when we’re out. If we pass a mirror, I’ll pause and say, “Hey, check out those good lookin’ kids!” The kids turn, look, and see that the “good lookin’ kids” I’m referring to are them. I’ve played this game with my kids for years, since they were infants,… Continue reading Reflecting on a Dumpy House, and A Wonderful Home
Back in January 2013, my wife and I fostered a pregnant dog named Buttons. Buttons was on the “kill list” at a shelter in West Virginia, but some kindly animal rescuers transported her to the Bloomingdale Animal Shelter Society in Bloomingdale, NJ. We agreed to foster Buttons, and find homes for her and her puppies.… Continue reading Homegrown Puppies or How We Fostered A Pregnant Stray Dog
When my wife gets into something, she really gets into it. Sometimes she immerses herself in a new writer, or a musical artist, or a television show. I was thrilled when she got into Breaking Bad and crock-pot cooking. Her love of Carol King, Nancy Grace, and Auntie Mame…not so much. My wife’s latest obsession is… Continue reading Zumba Class Transforms From The Inside Out
This column was published in December 2006, but my feelings haven’t changed —you gotta hang your own Christmas lights. What is it about holiday home decorations that I find so appealing? Maybe it’s that for a month or so out of every year, a month when trees and foliage are at their most dull, a… Continue reading Holiday Home Decorating: Say No To Pros
The Grave Raver is our scariest Halloween decoration. After this column was published in October 2010, I received an email from the president of Gemmy Industries Corp. Even though I crapped on his products a bit, he said he “liked my style,” and offered to send me a free inflatable Christmas decoration. Damn my journalistic… Continue reading Dirty Dancing Ghost Makes For a Truly Scary Halloween
I originally published this column back in October 2010, but I was inspired to post it today by my friend’s Carmen Bastante’s creepy spider encounter. His body is the size of a quarter, fatter than a Concord grape, and with his legs extended he’s almost as big as a silver dollar. He’s unquestionably one of… Continue reading Along Came A (Really, Really Big) Spider
In light of my insensitive comments about Lou Ferrigno‘s disabilities, I’ve decided to run this article which shows how my opinions (and sense of humor) have changed. Oh, and if parents and educators are looking for guidance on preventing LGBTQ cyberbullying, here is a guide. Tracy Morgan is a professional comedian. He’s one of the stars… Continue reading Comedy means never having to say you’re sorry!
